Wednesday, April 29, 2009

return of the free pass five

i am certainly not the first to blog about the free pass five. i unfortunately wasn't a part of blogland when it was in circulation. but i want to bring it back to those of you (us) who missed it last time so as to share with new friends. if you are in the dark about what the FPF is let me shed some light... the free pass five is five guys (or girls) who, if the occasion presented itself, you would be allowed to have sex with-no strings attached and with no detriment to your marriage/relationship. in other words if any of these next 5 people decided that they wanted to have sex with me, i would only need to call home and say; "hey babe...ummm...edward cull...i mean rob pattinson is here with me and he totally wants to have sex with me, so i'll see ya' tomorrow!" at which point my husband, completely understanding, would say.."ok, have fun!!" and if he were REALLY cool, would hi-five me the next day.

got it? ok great. let's begin.

so obviously it's no surprise that this guy is at the top of my list. but there is a catch..he MUST let me call him edward. i refuse to call him robert or rob or bob or bob on my knob. it would only remind me that he is a real person who is only 23 and not the eternally young vampire that i want to have sex with. but what i would do with this kid....or better still, what he would do with ME..maybe he's this take charge guy who would toss me about the bed and pull my head back by my hair exposing my throat so he could take a "bite" out of me. you KNOW you want the same thing.
ok..#2 is a no brainer. primal hotness at its finest. i know he is kinda gross while he flaunts himself about hollywood shmoozing up every woman within a 5 mile radius. he's a man-whore, that's all. nothin' wrong with that when you are this extraordinarily fine. whore it up my way, i say!
this is what i will be looking at while i am undressing...

get the fuck OUT! look at that body!! i heart you gerard butler, even if your acting skills are poor.

dear me #3, james mcavoy...clearly there is a pattern in my crushes. it's an accent. and his is probably the hottest. scottish men make me crazy. look at him staring at me...he is letting me know where he is taking me...to his bed for some mcfucking. i don't care how short you are, when i am sitting on your face it won't matter.

my fantasy with gordon ramsay is quite simple. he cooks me dinner and dessert, lets me eat(this is a VERY important part of the fantasy-ladies i know you feel me here) and then gets to pounding.

#5 is not a dude at all but kim kardashian. b/c for me a lot of the time my fantasies start with her and end with one of the guys above. and this is ONE FINE PIECE OF ASS! in fact LOOK at that ass!

good lord. i'm not even sure what i would do with it...spank it? put something IN it? i don't know but i am pretty sure i could figure it out.



ok willing readers...who are your five?

13 comments:

MyLittleHappyPlace said...

Crap! I can't get past Edward...sorry.

my favorite and my best said...

i understand. i can't really get past him either.

corine said...

Your comment about McAvoy made me blush.. perhaps because i have seen myself in this very situation. Also, Daniel Craig, Clive Owen (accents sure are delicious) Angelina Jolie always because I like my ladies busty and full-lipped, and if I am dreaming I might as well go all the way.. the Robert Redford of 30 years ago.

Anonymous said...

even though he is rumored to be gay, anderson cooper, brett farve b/c he would balance the gay attraction, odd attraction for larry david and i would like to phone two friends that i can't mention in public....and i am so shy about this that i can't sign my name, but thanks for letting me play.....xo

Anonymous said...

and cmon, kim k's hinder regions can't even be contained in panties....she needs big girl panties like you see on your aunt trudy's clothes line. the kind you put a clothes pin in, walk ten paces and put another clothes pin onto the other side!

Jessica said...

I can't decide if this is cliche, or classic, but my 5 would start and end with J-Depp. In the middle for good measure I might give Hugh Jackman, Javier Bardem & Tyler Durden* a look-in.

*Please note, much like your Edward Cullen/Robert Pattison conditions, I am not interested in taking Brad Pitt to bed. The man bores me to tears - what I WANT is Tyler Durden - the one with the foul mouth, the protruding abdomen muscles and the stamina to stay up with me all night as the house crumbles around us. I suspect Mr Pitt would be too tired from raising his 57 kids to be up to the challenge.

Anonymous said...

i'd like to relinquish a phone a friend and call harry connick jr. on down. so to speak.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

whoa

SGM said...

I love the Gordon Ramsay wildcard! Cracks me up that you crossed out the girl with Edward--I like your style.

Isn't it funny that so many women are obsessed with being thin yet when it comes to s-e-x most men (and you and me with our imagined lesbian sex) desire curves and a big butt?

my favorite and my best said...

indeed. curves are what i need for my lesbo sex. thanks for coming over SGM.
xoj

Anonymous said...

Oh girl, I'm supposed to be working...but instead I'm googling Clive Owen! And he's got to be the Clive Owen in "Closer" (and I will be Natalie with the pink wig - duh). I'm with ya on Edward and Gerald - they're so creamy...er, I mean dreamy. My all time fav though is Johnny Depp. I'll have him when he was on 21 or Pirates...that's right, I said it! And finally, I would turn lesbo if Angelina or Eva Mendes asked me (NOT Samantha Ronson - sorry).
Love your blog - you make me laugh on dumb work days!

Bella @ If This is Motherhood said...

It would have to be Gerard Butler, hands down, 5 times LOL. The man is just delicious!