Thursday, September 24, 2009

the fangtonio project

so, i broke down and watched the antonio project, much in the same way one watches an episode of the biggest loser. you know, sort of with pity and glee? anyway, hgtv gave fang one final makeover to complete...his own house...
it might come as a surprise to you that in his early years fang was in a thrash metal band called, deranged. although i suspect it doesn't. so then it should not surprise any of us that his "design aesthetic" is also thrash metal. literally...the use of metal flake paint in this house was profuse. as were the words "custom" and "re-con". i'm not sure what re-con means, but he said it at least 12 times during the episode. as in, " we did a little re-con and then it was time to start putting it all together". ok fang, whatever the fuck that means.
now before i go any further i should note that while watching this show i found myself kind of enjoying what he was doing, but then i realized it wasn't what he was doing it was him..he's kinda cute..fangs and all (edward cullen's hairier half wolf brother? no?). but the bottom line is despite the fact that his style is certainly not my cup 'o tea, he is NO design star. the rooms were weird at best and not at all finished. everything looked dated already and i'm sorry...goth meets west coast chopper is not cute in a house.
yeah, that's his bedroom. that "thing" on the wall is something someone made for him...one of the "custom" jobs he requested. it's based on a tattoo he wanted but instead made it into a headboard (?) why all the black fang? it's not "tough" as you stated..it's heavy and paired with that red is just too 80's and cold looking. the throw on the end of the bed is quite nice though and helps this room tremendously. a rug would have helped too. another "custom" piece were those nightstands. where you took a perfectly nice white piece of furniture and "metal flaked", "shadowed" and "airbrushed" the shit out of it making it look like something you'd see driving down the road in the barrio.
you did it to this too:



and there was no living room to speak of..just this huge table, 2 "thrones" and a lot of erroneous candles.


the kitchen:

again with the black everywhere...it just looks so dated. and you can't really see it but there is a rippled stainless steel back splash further adding to the cheese factor.



the bathroom looks like a spec bathroom. not like something a so called design star would do. plus it's not finished. i mean at least dan would have gayed it up a little with a window treatment and a plant...SOMETHING!!!

not impressed.

23 comments:

LindsB said...

Wow- I cant believe that bedroom, it's just awful. Waking up under that heinous girl every morning would scare the shit out of me.

The only room I enjoy is the bathroom and you are right its not even finished.

boops said...

ummm... I liked elements of his kitchen, and dining room, and even his bedroom...but he would have to get rid of the head board if he ever got a girlfriend (it would probably end up in the garage) and the skateboard photos are a little juvenile.

and I use "recon" alot too...oh god, I'm a sorry aging hipster :(

Are you going to ban me from your blog?

Paisley said...

Ok this is just plain awful. Maybe HGTV is thinking they'll atract a new demographic of "alternative" (and by that i don't mean the gays or the trannies) people who might have an interest in decor. The bathroom is the only thing that is sorta normal but it isn't finished and even if it was it has no wow factor that you would expect from a professional designer. Bleh!

Dumbwit Tellher said...

We have been on the exact wave-length thru this entire process. Since you brought up about his fangs, I can't take my eyes off of them. They are f...ing huge! I was not impressed with his home @ all. It's the darn finishing that he can't pull off. AND, if he said "re-con" one more time I was going to throw my t.v. in the bloody pool. Yes, Dan would of at least added some character to the spaces. Design Star - NOT!

pillow mint said...

U-G-H!
Horrible. All these pictures look like the "before" of a house that needs some re-con. Whatever that is.

Jason said...

Sorry, you're not pretty enough to be a real actress. You seem to have aged prematurely. Yech.

mike said...

Haha Gayson:
Very funny comment. You obviously haven't done your research to know who writes for MF&MB - but not to worry, readers to this blog appreciate comments from the retarded as well as the fashionable and stylistic. Sort of an equal opportunity employer, if you will.
I realize the comments were REALLY about the beauty of the author (you can't be THAT stupid, can you?) Your feelings must have just gotten hurt b/c of a design critique.
Well, I would put MF&MB's style skills up against your werewolf boyfriend set builder any day. Maybe you could then start your own blog called Blog-of-the-Living Dead.com to lure throngs of other zombies... and then friends of this site could go and share their thoughts with you as well.
love - Your Dad

bluehydrangea said...

Are you kidding me???!! this is terrible!! It looks like the bedroom at a truck stop.

Jason, having a bad day? Your mother would want you to play nice.

boops said...

Jason...not nice. :(

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your blog! Thanks for the daily laugh and, yes, I agree. I think Fang definitely has good on camera presence its his design skills that are lacking.
Let me tell you something, dear. You are one of the prettier bloggers I've seen, so I agree with Mike. I guess Jason got his feelings hurt....or does he have chandelier penis envy?
- coco

Rachel said...

Ewww. Not impressed either. At all.
His bedroom is awful. It looks like something Trading Spaces would have done for a teenaged boy. I mean, the photos in the red frames aren't even matted!! And the random stuff on top of the dresser? Didn't he know he was taking "professional" pictures? Did he arrange that crap like that or what?? (It's kind of like those people you see that are asked onto the Today Show or something like that and show up in a T-shirt or some other trashy outfit to be on national TV.)


His house doesn't look professional or "finished" at all. It looks like some crazy eccentric artist lives there. Somebody who I would guess likes to ride his motorcycle to the Medievel Times Fair.

Laura@JourneyChic said...

I missed this episode but god, that living room is so shitty. And the bedroom. The only thing that's ok is the bathroom but you're right - it doesn't have a designer's touch at all. Ugh. I liked Antonio's hosting style on Design Star but his designs never quite did it for me.

Love to read the other comments you received. So snarky, so funny. :)

Re:Fresh Design Studio said...

Haha, it's all sooo bad. My husband and I were laughing over the fact that his "show" premiered at 1 am! We did not stay up to watch it since we rightly assumed that if HGTV plans the premier of your show at 1 am when most people are sleeping, it must be BAD!

court. said...

This is just ridiculous. My college dorm room looked better than this.

If they are giving away shows, give me one!

annechovie said...

There are no words for how visually jarring that bedroom is, but I think that if Elvis were alive, it might even turn his stomach and that's saying a lot. I think HGTV is going to the dogs....who finds these people?

kristen said...

HAHA I was just watching the same thing last night and totally agree with you on everything I stared at his fangs everytime he talked but yet I do think hes kinda cute... And it annoyed the fuck out of me every time he said RECON!!!

Beach Vintage said...

I have to say I like the little black and white tiles....but thats about it.

Nikki said...

Haha your post was hilarious. LOL funny. I watched the Fangtonio Project Sunday night when it premiered while catching up on some blogs and just knew either you or jamie would start ranting about this shit but its all true. Every statement agreed and extremely hard to watch. PS Love the new LR chair color.

Visual Vamp said...

Well no matter how hideous he is and how shitty his work is, and how much fun we have bashing him, the stupid fuck has a TV show and all we have is our stinking blog! I guess he knew who to blow.
I love you and your blog.
You write pretty.
xo xo

Anonymous said...

Hey Mike,

Making a slur out of the word "gay"? In 2009? On a blog about interior decorating?

mike said...

No problems with sexual preference here, my Anonymous friend. I assure you. I apologize if it was perceived that way. But I will certainly call out anyone whose apparent infatuation muddles there senses of reasonable debate to make a comment that is personal against someone I respect. 'Gayson' seemed an obvious play on words for Jayson as his apparent love of Antonio as a person and not a designer deemed him unable to rebut MF&MB's design critique with anything of substance and then revert to attacking on a personal level. Simply put, I recognized the obvious - that Jason has a boy crush on Antonio and knows nothing about design. Had he mentioned ANYTHING about design he could have called her retarded for all I give a fuck but he attacked her personally and I read him like a book. ...He's got a fucking crush...I think you know it too.
I'm truly sorry I offended. I've got no problems with gays or straits. I've got big problems with dumb assholes.

Room Service ~ Decorating 101 said...

I HATED that bedroom, but really got me is how he went in a differant direction in the master bathroom. Call me "Old School", but I think those two rooms should flow...

Kara said...

This was the post I was waiting for. I think the only thing I liked was the floors.