how many turds does it take to design a steaming pile of crap?

let me start off by saying there is some pretty obvious tomfoolery going on over at hgtv...or should i say danfoolery??? more on that in a minute...

so lonni is gone this week. oh well. sorry lonni, according to the judges you can't multitask or meet a deadline therefore your actually quite pretty room fails! well that's just crazy to me considering it was the FUCKING NO HABLA ENGLAIS FUCKERS THAT FUCKED YOU! or maybe you were sabbotaged by dan and his new boyfriend.. i thought dan was going to pee pee when he learned that john gidding was coming in...
who in the fuck are you anyway john gidding??? MFaMB had to do some research and found this:a gay dude who thinks he's awesome. oh and he's on hgtv's designed to sell...oh THAAAAT john gidding. (???!!)

alright...so let's get to it..

the specifics: the designers were paired with a celebrity each, given 20,000 dollars, 2 carpenters and 30 hours to complete the room.

our pal lonni got tiffani thiessen and her husband brady somebody who wanted a guest room. here's what lonni birthed:

sorry for the smallness. larger images here. and there was no before. over all the room is nice. tiffani and brad wanted "eco friendly, eclectic, contemporary, earthtones". i call it modern rustic, but whatever, what the fuck do i know? anyway...i think she delivered. she found a really pretty, huge piece of reclaimed wood that she wanted mounted on the wall as a headboard but unfortunately the people she bought it from who said they would mount it for her were retarded and couldn't. sorry lonni, you were much nicer about it than i would have been. suffice it to say i would have been cracking some heads against that piece of reclaimed wood. especially since this is what ultimately got you sent home. well MFaMB thinks you were robbed lonni, i think your design was the prettiest. and to you genevieve" psycho eyes" gorder who said that the white bedding was too bland- ummm....no it isn't!! it is that white bedding that helps your eyes focus on that lovely grasscloth wallcovering behind the bed. if there was some kind of bullshit pattern or darker color on the bed it would read too fussy overall. so in YOUR face gorder.

moving on: dantard got jason priestly claiming he had hit the big time..i'll say dan...if it were me i would have had a hard time not throwing around phrases like, "hey brandon, wanna go make out in nat's office in the peach pit?" or "brandon, why don't you go get dylan and we can all go build a bonfire at the beach and get it on?"

anyhoo...the priestly's wanted a guest room turned into a nursery/guest room. the theme was nautical, cape cod, beachy...here's what dan envisaged:yeah, those are 3 recliners in the nursery, you can barely see the 3rd one in the bottom left hand corner. there is also a flatscreen above the changing station and a lot of sculpted boat frame thingy's that are pretty cool if a bit gimmicky. but hgtv loves a designer with a good gimmick up their sleeve. the room is ok, not terrible. dan did do a pretty good painting of clouds and sky. you can see it there in the top right corner of the image. he also took store bought curtains and fancied them up with some shiny embellished fabric to create a stripe, nice touch dan. while not a fan of wall decals or wall murals the whales add a bit of whimsy that is so desperately needed in this nursery. but i still think that 3 recliners is weird and that overall this room doesn't seem very functional. but the judges loved it! hmmmmm...my aforementioned suspicions of danfoolery are becoming more tangible. speaking of judges...mandice was looking very little lord fauntleroy this week:although this week she shall be called: tandice

note to tandice's stylist: you suck.

ok. so last and certainly least was antonio's creation for kathy griffin. she wanted an office for "team griffin". she mentioned liking modern, zen, minimal...oh no here we go again...not zen...can we please give this so called style a rest. what the fuck is zen anyway?? i'll tell you what it is..it's boring. move on. get some books and an antique piece and warm your spaces up you zen loving freaks! so antonio giving his best minimal zen gave us the fucking set from plan 9 from outer space. seriously, lavender is pretty but here it looks like they used the leftover paint from monica and rachel's apartment on the friends set. note to hgtv...antonio works on sets. everything he does looks like a set. there is nothing personal or comforting in his work. and he has fangs. seriously, he does. now, this is how you can make this room better: first of all get rid of the stupid doormat between the two white chairs and put a real fluffy textured rug down the center of that room. this room needs texture in a big, bad way. add a few pendant lights over the work stations and already the room is about 8379273049million times better. and that's just off the top of my head...or...2.2 seconds. not 30 hours.

i think antonio should have gone home this week. and i am quite certain the only reason he didn't was b/c he had a better on air hosting personality than lonni. HOWEVER!!!! dantard has the WORST on air hosting personality, unless you like your hosts to be be slightly dimwitted. but, as i said before i think something fishy is going on...like maybe someone is doling out the BJ's and i think his name starts with D and ends with AN.