Monday, March 8, 2010

the oscars or what was up george clooney's ass?


so really, what was up george clooney's ass? why is he so sour? he needs a little bite of humble pie methinks. in the words of kwang koto, employee of the peachtree rd. chevron station; "hey george...go fuck self...you has everyting!!!!!!!!!"

ok...high-lites:
1. when the so you think you can dance-ers came out to dance to all the oscar songs.
2. when bradley cooper and gerard butler were on stage together. two...two...two orgasms in one.
3. when the avatard lost to his ex wife. (and why does no one talk about his current wife's anorexia?)

alright then..first lets talk about this hotness...
he looked amazetothemuthafuckinballs!! yum.


ok, here's my worst. some of these women are still gorgeous despite the weird dress choices:

sigh....

this is so disappointing. one of the most beautiful women in the world chose to make a mockery of her boobs. i punch you.



this looks like she rolled around in day 2 of my period..


the underside of a fish belly..

it's not the dress, it's the hair. it's mall hair. it's 80'smothafuckinmallhair!


sardine..


dynasty..


i imagine some people out there loved this most likely bc it was chanel. i just don't get it.

a body like that and you want to wear a silky sack? fuck you sjp- i expected more from you.



this is a shame really, she is so beautiful and this dress is sadsville. and she was the first female director to ever win an oscar so this picture is going to float around for infinity! i mean really, doesn't this piss you off? she could have worn almost anything on her frame and looked stunning. i would have started with color.


david's bridal. flowers don't match. bullshit.



next up is "you looked pretty, but not the prettiest"...

pretty

has the queen ever looked prettier?


pretty (this almost made into the top)


pretty


pretty


pretty


surprise pretty!!




ok now for my top 9!!!

9. gabourey sidibe. she looked fantastic!!


8. diane kruger. loved this dress. i love that she takes risks. i hate boring more than anything. looked amazing on her.


7. miley cyrus. perfect. age appropriate. loved this dress. but yes, the slouching is no good.


6. sandra bullock. i thought she looked stunning. her hair was my fave. the dress didn't blow me away, but i thought the whole package was amaze.


5. anna kendrick. i love a fleshy pink dress. and it looked great on her.

4. elizabeth banks. stunning.


3. k-stew. sexy, pretty. she's never looked better. lesbo crush back on.


2. jennifer lopez. holy shitballsofshit. head to toe perfect. my friend anna has been thisclose to jlo in person and has said she is the most stunningly beautiful woman on the planet. skin like velvet buttercream and teeny tiny in all the right places. i imagine tonight she made people pass out. look. at. HER!!!!!

i think overall this is my best dressed buuuuuut.....

1. zoe saldana's dress blew me away...
when i saw this walking down the red carpet i got chills. this is a lot of dress and it's a little odd the way it looks like a skirt but i know that if i were going to oscar i would gravitate toward something like this. it's magical.
i know a lot of you probably hated it but it took my breath away.
i love me some purple and the beaded top..jizz.

ok. agree? disagree? let's have it..

59 comments:

The Zhush said...

Agree with almost everything you said!!! And just love HOW you say it... Xcept SJP, thought she looked so great, and as much as I love, love love purple, that was too much purplelicous confection frou frou for me!

sherri said...

The "this looks like she rolled around in day 2 of my period.." and "david's bridal" comments are brilliantly hilarious. And yes, wtf was up with Clooney? He looked like a total a-hole when he lost to Jeff Bridges.

"Julie" said...

k, i LURVED the top of zoe's dress,and rilllly wanted to love the bottom....
miley looked amazing, so did sandra, and I want rachel mcadams dress BADLY.

jennifer said...

Yep, I agree with the photos, I didn't see any of it in motion, sooo. . . .
Matt damon is a dream boat and his wife is gorgeous. Robert Downey junior is adorable.
I'm also gonna give a shout-out to Nicole Richie. I LOVE her dress and somehow motherhood has made her amazing looking??? good for her!

Dagny @ Beautiful Living said...

Hehe, love your new header!

You know, I always expect SJP to dress as fab as Carrie, but she never does! She needs to hire Patricia Field as her stylist. She looks orange, and the eye makeup is just WRONG.

And what's up with Miley's teeth?

I love the bottom part of Zoe's dress too. Wish the top part would have been slightly differend\t though. (I feel like it's two different dresses put together)

I actually think Demi Moore dressed the best. It's very strange how she seems to age the oposite way of everyone else.

domestikatedlife said...

I can't believe you have no mention of how cracked out kathy ireland was during the pre-show!

I have one major disagreements with your review -- Diane kruger's dress made me dizzy. Ruffles, pleating, flowers... and i think it made her bum look gigantor!

I did like Miley's dress minus her slouching though. And I thought Elizabeth Banks looked amazzzzzing.

TinaFeey said...

I agree with you but didn't you post just the opposite last night (hating jlo, loving cameron?). Have I lost me mind?

Anonymous said...

I think the comments you make are disgusting and embarrassing. If this is your best, I feel sorry for you. Excuse me while I go unsubscribe.

MerciBlahBlah said...

Wow - someone needs to go pull the giant stick out of their arse. Oh wait - maybe it's day two of THEIR period.

Your comments are one reason I am TRYING to become a follower, but for some stupid reason, that button isn't showing up on my dang screen. I mean, I can see where to do it, I just don't have the button to actually DO it.

That was fascinating, wasn't it?

Merci!
Shannan

Anonymous said...

So I read your blog all the time, but this is my first post. I had to defend you from the person above - I think your comments are brilliant and they make me laugh.

However, I do think SJP looked great because any other person would have looked fat or been asked if they were pregnant in that dress. My husband thought JLo looked fab and he couldn't stop talking about how great her booty looked in the dress - I had to agree with him.

Jessica said...

someone with no sense of humour seems to have mistaken you for someone else - how odd!

but Zoe was my FAV also, bar none, hands down - love the Krugster, but that girl knows what she's doing - Charlize just looks weird - and SJP is doing a tribute to Bea Arthur - WTF!

Raina Cox said...

Why does someone with a name as preppy as "Elizabeth Banks" always sound like she just rolled out of a double-wide?

Kara said...

UGH - Miley made a gorgeous dress look heinous! I wanted to yell stand up and put your shoulders back.

I think Zoe needs to eat a cheeseburger or two!

Simply Mel said...

I'll admit, I was beyond disappointed in the fashion red carpet scene this year. What was Cameron Diaz thinking? JLO won the prize on my scorecard!

Agreed, what was up with George Clooney?

hush said...

Oh, lawdy! Don't hate on Mo'Nique!!! Her dress and the gardenias in her hair were an homage to Hattie McDaniel's "GWTW" Oscar win. Respect.

I believe Mariah Carey was the one in David's Bridal. And hottie Helen Mirren looked extremely mother-of-the-bride-ish.

J.Lo = "head to toe perfect"? Please pass me some of whatever you're smoking.

Loved it all = Penelope Cruz, Kristen Stewart, Michelle Pfeiffer, Molly Ringwald, Demi Moore, Diane Kruger, & Meryl Streep.

Hot messes = SJP, Sandra Bullock's lips, Carey Mulligan's hair color, Miley Cyrus looking like she forgot her top - hence the hunchback, and the awkward synchronized skirt hoist she did with Amanda Seyfried, WTF?

Everyone needed more color, less gunmetal grey, and a lot less washed out beigey/white.

Chesa said...

rachel mcadams wins.

hello gorgeous said...

First off: Cheers to the ex! So, who's King of the World now, James Cameron?

Secondly, how is Charlize Theron your WORST choice when Sigourney Weaver was there wearing heinous toga from The House of Animal (that is to say, Animal House).

I didn't love JLo's dress because even though I don't think it's white, it read white and with the exception of Meryl Streep, I have yet to see someone pulling off white on the red carpet.

Loved Miley Cyrus - she was channeling some of those little youngsters in Vogue, trying to pose in that shoulders-forward way they do. She told me.

I thought Queen L. has never looked better but Molly Ringwald scared me. She and Sigourney got a two-for-one deal on ugly dresses. Wasn't loving the hair either.

I also thought K-Stew, as you call her, looked her best yet and your top choice was adorable. I forget but I think her shoes may have been too clunky but when she walked, that dress was amazing.

Also loving the boys in their little skinny ties. Oh, and I thought Colin Firth looked so much better than George Clooney (who did have an attitude).

hello gorgeous said...

Nope, it was Anna Kendrick's clunky shoes. Loved her dress though.

LindsB said...

ehh, I am split with you. Hated, like HATED that purple ruffle number on Zoe, like barf. And i think jlo looked like she belongs in a bad Madonna video- other than that we agree on most everything else :)

sketch42 said...

I usually agree with your red carpet calls... This time nope. I agree up until you get to your top 9. Then I start saying NO NO NO.

1. I loathe the sight of Miley.
2. Couldnt have hated JLo's dress more.
3. Zoe's dress was confusing and UGLY.
4. I hate K-Stew too. She is moody and looks like she has BO.
5. elizabeth banks looked good but not better than your "pretty" people
6. Anna kendrick- blah blah blah--- yucky.
7. Sandra- loved everything except the ears.
8. Gaby rocked it--- if fashion was porn, this dress is the money shot!!
9. Dianne kruger- face looked washed out.

Kristin said...

Diane and Demi were my loves. SO gorgeous. I'm thinking the Clooney thing was staged. No?

BeautyNinja said...

I thought JLo's dress looked like bubblefoam wrap with a sidecar of bubblefoam wrap stapled to her side.

The avatar girl's purple dress was my fave.

You forgot about demi moore- her dress was pretty.

I thought the little girl from Up In the Air looked crappy- crappy hair and crappy gums-pink dress that didn't do much for her tiny frame.

Mo'nique looked too casual.

Charlize T. looked great except for the cinnamon buns on her boobs.

George Clooney needed a HAIRCUT.

Meryl Street looked bored.

Sandra Bullock's dress was very pretty but I would have liked her hair long and straight and in a side ponytail or something.

Penelope Cruz= blah. She always wears the same silouhette and I'm sick of it.

Diane Kruger... ugly. She is naturally pretty but always wears some very forced looking do-dahed-to-the-max "high fashion" outfit. Not loving it.

BeautyNinja said...

oh yeah, and Miley.

I don't know if it was the slouching, or the fact that the dress's bodice was about 10x too tight for her, but it made her arms look weird and I was scared her tween tatas were about to fall out any second. She looked uncomfortable and therefore not so pretty. Fail.

my favorite and my best said...

hush- please understand. monique could have paid homage to hattie in a dress not made out of cheap blue satin, and she could have chose a flower that didn't clash with the electric blue. it was just wrong.

lucitebox said...

I guess you'd want to say "fuck you" to me, because I thought that purple plumage, dip dyed, glittery handled toilet bowl brush dress sucked.

I also thought that J.Lo's dress looked like the shrimp crackers you get at the Thai restaurant.

We only agree on a few things and Molly Ringwald's dress is one of them. But you can see my picks and pans on my blog.

MyLittleHappyPlace said...

I don't know, JLo just bugs - I don't think she's authentically beautiful the way, say, Sandra Bullock is. (Realizing of course, if I hold EVERY celeb to the "real" standard, I'll be SOL)
Part of me just wants her de-Diva and bring it down a notch once in awhile.

AppleTree said...

I slipped into a coma at 7:30 last night and missed the whole show, but I did check out the dresses on msn this morning and I would like to give a shout out to two ladies who usually fuck up the red carpet: Mariah you did look pretty. And that is nice. Not slutty overthetop ho-bag like you usually do.

And Meryl: nice work, you finally like the queen of Hollywood that you are.

MFAB I have to disagree on Zoe's purple number, it was confusing to me.

Mint Julep said...

I love Mariah. As a matter of fact, I want to be her, but she always looks so tacky to me. I did not like that dress at all.
My fave: Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Rachel said...

Have been so looking forward to this post!
Okay, here are my 2 cents:

I liked Vera Fa-what's-her-last-name's dress!!! I thought Penelope Cruz looked more like day 2 of my period.

Hated Miley's dress... it looked like she was missing her top!

Thought Molly Ringwald looked man-ish.

I thought Anna Kendrick's dress washed her out - at least on our TV it did.

And K-Stew.... would it KILL you to smile a little?? Maybe wear a little blush and lipstick?? How about some big earrings?? I LOVED that dress - super gorgeous, it was my favorite - but I bet it would have looked better with a brown bag over her head!!

Wasn't that impressed with JLo... her dress seemed too princess-y.

Wasn't a big fan of the bottom of Zoe Saldana's dress... it was a little toooooo much.


Loved Elizabeth Banks dress (cuz it looked like my wedding dress!).

Loved Sandy - even the lips. She looked beautiful.

And I loved Queen L's ensemble. You are right - she's never looked better - she rocked.

You're also right about James Avatard Cameron and his current and ex-wives. First of all, every time I see him, all I can think of is the uncanny resemblance to Larry Bird. Secondly, his wife is anorexic witch-y looking. And his ex could definitely have picked a better dress.... I mean, did she only have time to run by Macy's junior's department?? It's not pretty at all. Boo.

Raru said...

Nice post... but I don't like J Lo dress. My favorite is Kristen Stewart's choice :)))
Thank you and have a great day :)

Amy said...

I'm just happy awards season is over so my husband and I can stop shouting, "What the fuck happened to Suzy Amis?!" whenever the camera lingers on the Avatard. Kathryn Bigelow has 11 years on her and still looks juicy - the hell, people?

But enough about the perils of menopause and sun exposure. Demi gets my nod for best dressed and perennially hot, and I'm with you on the rest of your picks except for Mariah. That dress didn't do it for me, mostly because I want her much crazier.

Dreams of Perfection said...

Damn who knew Kristen Stewart could pull off such a freakin glam Barbie dress. Bravisimo..she is redeemed in my book. And J.Lo, I hope to Hay-Zeus she has gotten her swag back.

mb said...

PHew. What more can be said. Queen L was fine. Mariska looked beautiful. Sandra looked great. Miley, stand up straight, you hear? Maggie looked young and lovely. JLO, good. SJP, I wanted to smooth the front of her hair down, it looked witchy at the microphone.

I laughed out loud a few time with Steve Martin and Alex(c) Balwin. I know, I know they were panned in the paper, but I did laugh out loud.. I was washing dinner dishes at the time.
xxmb

girl world decor said...

funny how we all luv & hate different things.
everybody's blog posts r so diff & way better than the cattle fashion reporters on tv.
will u teach me to draw on people the way u do?

sketch42 said...

I forgot to say that I cringe whenever george clooney is on stage because he is such a moody baby. I really really HATE him and I want him to quit acting, because he is obviously WAY too important for bullshit like awards.

ALSO, did anyone see anything of: Angelina & Brad, Jen Aniston, Renee Z., Nicole Kidman, Gwyneth, Jen Garner etc... Do these people not get shown on TV because they arent presenting or winning anything? Or are they not there?

my favorite and my best said...

nicole- i don't think any of those sluts were there. sads.

corine @ hidden in france said...

Oh come on george was just pretending to be grumpy.

I agree with Sardine and Day 2 of Your Period made me laugh.

SJP;s dress didn't work at all.

Cameron's wife is anorexic and that's a terrible, deadly disease, not a personal flaw.

Disagree about seldana's dress, too much froo froo, looked like a fighting fish

but who am i to talk, i have no sense of style whatsoever.

Eclectic said...

I was waiting all day to read your comments....hilarity. I hate Matt Damon's wife. I hear she was an interior designer. Why? Why couldn't it be me?

Andrea said...

My (male) cousin said that Zoe's dress looked like a rocket take-off (he's an honest to goodness rocket scientist so maybe he has a valid perspective...).

I actually liked SJP dress except I wanted to yank it over a bit so it was centered. She sure is embracing the crinkly eye look isn't she?

I thought the sourpuss George Clooney business was set up?? Like he was the straight man to Steve & Alec.

I loved the bottom part of Miley's dress but the top looked like something that should be worn under a wedding dress. Her teeth are kind of jacked up....

I loved Demi Moore's dress too. Normally I'm kind of over the flesh colored dresses but hers had enough peach to it and I loved the ruffles.

The best part of the whole night was James Cameron losing.

carolina postcard said...

I'm so glad we agree on Zoe's dress. I heard the folks on tv bashing it, but I thought it was amazing and she looked smokin. fun fun!

Ms Smart said...

hahaha good observations. "mall hair" - fucking funny. David's bridal, hahaha. not keen on SJP's look or her for that matter, her husband is still cute though.

Simone Howell said...

Ive been looking forward to your Oscar dress post..hilaroius! I think Jennifer Lopez was amazing. Did not liek SJP eitehr, Miley was perfect minus the slouch! Your thoughts on Rachael McAdams?

vicki archer said...

Don't know where to start Jenny....
Loved SB and SJP...I know you don't go for SJP's look and so do a million others but sometimes fashion is just not about showing what you've got. Also HM and DK both looked like rockstars.
Liked GS, MC, KB, PC, MG, KS, CD, QL, CM, RmcA- they all looked great.
A resounding no to JLo...didn't do it for me.
But what great fun checking it all out...xv

Anita Davis said...

george clooney was on his period, and he knew his mullet hairstyle looked like shit.

Sarah B. said...

Agree with some of your thought-ruhs. I somehow didn't mind Zoe S.'s dress on camera, but in the still photos, me no like. Oppositeville with J-Lo. Didn't hate it onscreen but I like it in the still photos better. I totes agree about Tina Fey's hair. I also have a huge problem with SJP's hair and I think it's weird that no one's mentioning it. It was pulled back but then there were all these weird flat wispy parts sticking out on top. Awful!

I loved Sandra B. the most, though it was more of a hair/lipstick/dress/beauty combo than it was that I just loved the dress. I did love it though...such a luminescent quality and with her pretty brown hair and red lipstick. I thought she looked AMAZING.

I agree with most everything else.

Design Darling said...

miley and cameron were my favorites, followed by sandra's hair and diane simply for being one of the few risk-takers present.

Crave Interiors said...

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny - You have given me a good laugh tonight! Love your work.

Haven and Home said...

I agree with it all!

Blair said...

I totally got chills about zoe's dress too and felt like a tool for a second about that. Thanks for making me feel less tool like. cheers!

mommyholly said...

I agree with you on the Gerard and Bradley moment. Two out of my top five hottest celebs???? Perfection.

And my faves had to be Miley Cyrus and J.LO!!!!!!!!!! Their hair, makeup, and amazing dresses were absolutely stunning! :)

xo! -Holly

Joanna said...

I agree with most of your comments. But have to diagree with Mariah. I thought she looked like a stuffed sausage.

Tamstyles said...

I was in love with Rachels dress. Mariah was fugly..dont know whats her prob...and I didnt like Mo's dress...but flowers were in dedication to Haddie McDaniel who was the first black woman to win an Oscar. She went info further detail on Oprahs post show about it.

hello gorgeous said...

P.S. Joan Rivers said James Cameron looked like a lesbian.

hahahahahahahahaha

(I think that's an insult to lesbians.)

Lovely Little Nest said...

Agree with you on most points, though I definitely agree with "hello gorgeous" about Joan Rivers' comment insulting lesbians! James Cameron's hair...wtf?!

Siiri said...

totes mcgoats agreed with all you wrote except: SJP, loved it. That was ballsy, and everyone knows she's a twig. it was a departure, and the back was tres interesante. Also, the JLo dress looked like stupid effing pink bubble wrap or some shit my nephew would play in. Loved the STYLE and cut of the dress, but the "fabric" (yes, I'm using quotes, because I'm not yet convinced it isn't packing material) totally blew it.
And I LOVED all the messy hair. That's straight up some JBF hair, which I die for and dream of wearing to work, if it wouldn't get me fired. HA! Loved the whole thing.

Anonymous said...

I wondered the same thing about George, but it was, indeed, a setup... that didn't work.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/09/george-clooneys-grumpy-os_n_491364.html

Redesign Diva said...

Fudge dude, 56 comments again? WT?,,ok loved the dress picks Zoe's dress is NUTS!

Loved Sandy B's acceptance speech..but hated SJP and Jlo's hair..wth? are they bringin "I pulled my shirt over my head and messed up my hair" in style? if so, i will not be on that train...looks like chicken clucked head...

Oscars were nice, and The dancers totally rocked it!

NOW get famous, so I can see you out there hoochie!
xoxo
Kindle

Redesign Diva said...

Oh and to anonymous above, if you read mfamb you would know this is how Jen expresses herself!

YOU SHOULD HAVE READ MORE THAN ON POST BEFORE YOU SUBSCRIBED, GENIUS!

If you subscribed, you obviously make spontaneous decisions, a follower, capricious and looking for the next feel good post. In reality this is her space and you are just a squirrel in her world, so go bust a nut!

*sorry Jen, you can erase this if you want**

Dumbwit Tellher said...

I thought Charlize pouted more than George. She really wasn't looking very pleased to be there although can't hardly blame her wearing that sad frock. I'd have to say you were pretty spot on in my game book with your critique. I adored Zoe's dress but it got slammed by a lot of reviewers, but why?
I have to agree with domestikatedlife; did no one else wonder what the heck Kathy Ireland was doing interviewing people? That was a train-wreck. And last, can't stand Mariah Carey..never will so therefor will never like anything about her. Okay, she does have a great voice.