Friday, January 29, 2010

thanks martha for making the rest of us look like fuckheads

is it not enough that you have 3 houses, formerly 4? that you then have to be so awesome in them? here she is in her NYC apartment washing one of her 40 billion dishes at her duralab cabinets. nice overalls mrs. peenjeans. you should save those for one of the other houses, not new york city.

everything should be this orderly. this image makes me feel safe and happy. she ironed that shit til 5 AM after a party one time. you know she did.
just more of the awesome..


here we have her main pad cameltoe corners. (you might know it as cantitoe but now you know it as cameltoe). more order and too many fucking plates. does she really entertain that much? and why the fuck have i not been invited? i am pretty, funny, smart, design savvy and i would help with the clean up- albeit drunk on her famous homemade summer wine...she could afford to break some..

more fucking saucepans..

and here is her "craft station"..do you suppose she is up there late into the night making things? do you? i am going to say i really think she is.


please...



this is her former main pad turkey hill. even the hanging baskets of babylon 80's kitchen is pretty awes.

but much better now...

her attic floors are better than most people's regular floors...or regular people's floors.

yes..


whatever big fucking aliums...you're no better than my bullshit pansies...

good lord...


her chickens have it better than most..
but turkey hill is no longer hers, it belongs to some other lucky m-F'er. i hope they maintained it's awesomeness.


and last but not least and my most favorite is the guest cottage at her maine house..if you want to see the main maine house go here. its good too.


i love that it is entirely pink.


i love and loathe the fact that with so many houses you can have one place that is just pure fantasy..


i know a lot of you have seen this all before. but you haven't seen it until you've seen it thru my eyes..
now, when i am finally invited to her house this is most likely where i will stay b/c i refuse to stay in a place called cameltoe corners.

40 comments:

Sarah @ Maison Boheme said...

Overalls in NYC? Martha gets away with all sorts of crap. That craft room though? That is awesome. I'd be up there at 5am using all those crazy perfectly appointed green draws filled with animal shaped hole punches and double-sided adhesive tape.

Allie said...

so JEALOUS and i don't normally even like pink :) WTF

Visual Vamp said...

camel toe?
who dat?
xo xo

appleTree said...

the woman never sleeps. i love her for that.

Just A Girl said...

Haha this cracked me up! I have such a love hate for her. But that kind of drawer order creeps me out...does she know they make medication for that now???

boops said...

i wonder if Martha ever orders take out... or buys a gift bag on her way to a birthday party... or signs the card in the car...

Devon said...

I'm not going to lie, I absolutely love MS. Love her.

But if even one of the rooms in my house were organized like MS's, my husband would cart me off to the nut house. That's way too type-A for anyone's good.

Linz said...

she has a drawer just for scissors... what the what. awesome.

Anonymous said...

Of course she has a STAFF. You don't really think she does all that by herself?

my favorite and my best said...

she does have staff but i know she is crazy too and she most definitely does this shit herself.

court. said...

it's so nice and orderly I think I just came ;)

MyLittleHappyPlace said...

She's definitely a force of freak nature, but that's part of her charm, I suppose.

I read an interview with her once, where she commented on how, in Japan, the finest chopsticks were also the thinnest. She of course, bought the thinnest set she could find - in sterling. Uh huh.

The Townhouselady said...

Anyone who has stainless appliance would know you have to be a cracked out freak to want an entire wall of it.

Or you just have many many many minions to polish that shit behind her every time she leaves a fingerprint.

and yes I'm hella jealous.

I promise to knock her down for y'all if I ever see her walking around in her overalls at the Chelsea Market or coming out of Momofuku.

Dumbwit Tellher said...

I need my paxil now...

domestikatedlife said...

This might make you feel better about her obnoxious perfect-ness...

She lives now in the town I grew up in, and one day my mom saw her in the local grocery store buying produce.

My mom, who was born without the ability to whisper, called me from said grocery storing yelling into the phone "you're never gonna guess who's in the supermarket with me right now -- MARTHA -- she's buying PRODUCE -- what's wrong with her organic garden and GREENHOUSE FULL OF PRODUCE"

Martha has never again shown her face in the local food market, probably thanks to my mother's screams. But the point is, she still sometimes has to run to the store to buy some freakin carrots.

Kitty said...

i love martha and her insane drive for perfection, but i'm not about to comment upon her overalls. she might come over and shiv my ass.

Duel Living said...

Fuck You Martha!!!! I hate you; you are so perfect. I want to take one of your perfectly folded napkins and ram it up your arse! But your house looks real nice. See you around.

Celtic Rose said...

I am speechless - and the same colour green - over those craft drawers. Heaven, I'm in typeA Heaven.... la la la

heather said...

I'm soooooo happy that I'm not the only one who despises Martha. Your post cracks me up. Cameltoe Corners? Hmmmm...wonder what kind of decorative soaps they'd have there?

The Blasphemous Fiendess said...

I'm so fuckin not jealous. Why would I want all that crap to look after. Gimme a nice comfy bed and a good book. And those green drawers-fuckin waste of space havin a drawer with three pairs of scissors in it.
Fuckin pink house.

Levon said...

I fucking hate martha, she's a bitch. She's that girl in school thats the prettiest and the most popular and secretly you hope she gets a bad STD or something...

sketch42 said...

I really wish I had a craft room. Really.

susan said so said...

MS is what she is, which happens to be a freak of nature with amazing organizational skills. But yeah, she pisses me off sometimes, too. And amazes me. And I'm more than a little impressed...

So, she mixes me all up - pissed off, impressed, and amazed is just too many ways to feel about the one person at the same time!

xox,
Susan

Rachel said...

Yeah, she amazes me too! I know they clean, shine, and style things for photo shoots... but I want to know what her place looks like on a "normal" day. Are the pots as shiny and in perfect arrangement? Is everything picked up and put in it's place all the time??
I think it is.

Living in such an orderly house would totally make me happy - not going to lie. If I didn't have 5 dogs, a husband, or a full-time job (cuz I could probably pull it off with a part-time job), my place would look like that too. But I do have 5 dogs, a huz, and a full-time job... so my house doesn't look like that, and I cry a little sometimes....

Have a great weekend girlie!

Sarah Klassen said...

*sigh* her kitchen! I am sending this pic right to the files -- AMAZING...

Have a great weekend!

bran said...

I fell in love with Martha all over again when she went to jail.

I mean, thousands of men do what she did every day, and it's all "wink wink, nudge nudge". I think she realized early on that she was gonna be the scapegoat. So she did the tidiest thing possible, got the shitty mess over with asap.

bran said...

is there any way you can control the word verification quiz thing? how great would it be to make folks type in words like cameltoe or taint, sigh, someone needs to make that happen, enlarge my swear lexicon.

Theresa Milstein said...

Any Manhattanite who sees Martha's kitchen is going to sob uncontrollably and be prone to violence. I have a friend who lived in a Manhattan studio for 2.5k a month. Her neighborhood didn't even have trees, and her kitchen was equipped with a hot plate. How can Manhattan mortals compete?

marcel & me said...

sometimes I love her and sometimes I hate her, but who in their right mind needs that many fucking egg cups?

Belle de Ville said...

Yeah, I kinda have to hate her for having it all.

Dagny @ Beautiful Living said...

You just know she's super anal! Who organizes their scissors like that? Crazy!

Mon Alisa Design said...

This was so funny! Screw Martha and her perfect perfect world!!

Kristin said...

She would have a coronary in my house!

Paisley said...

Well if we all had zillions of moola and a full time staff we'd all have parties and perfectly organized drawers too. But alas, we have better things to do...that doesn't mean I'm not jealous though. I want all of my scissors to have their own little box in a drawer, better yet I want more than one pair so that I can have a need for crap like that!

tarheel said...

oh my gosh, you are hilarious. Why HASN'T she invited you over?!

The Neo-Traditionalist said...

I want to be her and I am SOOOOOOOO far off.

FROM THE RIGHT BANK said...

She makes me want to damn it all to hell and just go back to bed. The only comforting fact is that she has to have a million servants to maintain this level of perfection. It's not humanly possible for her to do it all herself. At least that's what I like to tell myself.

LindsB said...

You didnt show the 100 million people behind the photos doing everything for her :)

Tiina said...

here I am, showing you fun stuff to my new man. you go a new fan girl

Just A Girl said...

Ummm, just discovered her blog. It is crazy mundane...wow. http://www.themarthablog.com/