Monday, January 18, 2010

winners and losers

the guys:
1- paul mccartney was wearing flair like a fucking TGIF waiter.
2- robert downey jr. is the coolest motherfucker on planet earth.
3. george clooney couldn't be bothered to have a good time bc he was sad. but i saw his girlfriend give him a look that said "stop being a pussy! this is my first awards show and it will probably be my last so pull the tampon out!"
4. how was jon hamm's wife not raping him all night long??
5. michael c. hall has cancer??!! fuck!! get better, ok?

the girls:

sofia vergara is stunning. the dress was a fucking sewing project.

too heavy. it looked like a flight attendant's uniform and a prom dress had relations and this is the offspring..

creature feature avatar face in a wild west bordello dress.

sparkly and divine. it's so simple and so sexy. gorgeous.

fuck you tina fey!! this is bullshit!

sigh. here's the thing...i know someone reassured you that you look amazeballs in purple..but this is church pageant purple. i don't know what that fabric is but i know it sucks.

blondes in navy with a subtle tan...delicious. she looks fabulous.

it would have been better had she gone with an updo. but the green is gorgeous.

i mean the woman is stunning. c'mon. but i feel i have seen this dress on her a million times.

nicole is riding the crazy train these days. hard. first the powder face and now the nipple show. get a grip nicole. and that dress sucks. be sure to catch the bouquet later!!!!!!

one of my faves of the night. she has never looked better. and kudos to you for outdoing monique's speech. always an actress.

MAJOR LESBO CRUSH HERE! good lord. she is perfection.

it's not bad. really it's not. it's just that when you have enormous boobs and you show them like that it makes you look slutty. the dress is really very pretty.

i have heard a lot of ooh's and ahhh's over this but i think she looks like a fruit roll up. or a peen.

who let crazy in???

lea michelle's dress was one of the most beautiful, frou frou things i have ever seen. another fave.

it looks like fondant icing...

but it is beautiful. maybe better for oscar.

i get it are true boho..but i was bored..

one of my faves..she looked amaaaazing! i think she always gets it right though. so sexy. she was clearly in the mood for some fun...aka...getting pounded by gerard butler.


fuck you stupid headband.

beautiful dress. boobs are too saggy.

holy shitballs!!!! winner. hands down. best dressed. best everything.

look at those cute little curls in her coiff...

how can you even go on after halle berry? everything else just sucks in comparison.

ok..well..kate looks pretty. yawn.

great dress, great color. creature feature inside. srsly. maurice sendak..i found one of the wild things.

it's pretty.

surely she tried the dress on for someone! and that someone was either high (justin) or drunk (cameron) or too hungry to see straight (rachel zoe). is nemo hiding in that coral?

this dress was gorgeous. but, better for cannes. the american audience will think it ugly. how cute is he though?!?!

another fave. i thought she looked beautiful. the neckline was so pretty. the earrings..the hair..the was all perfect. she is plastic surgery done well.

weird. but sometimes i like weird.

too much ruffle for a curvy girl.

bea arthur called from the otherside and wants her dress back.

putty face.

the dress is beautiful and only cameron could have pulled it off.

old lady.

another fave. she was smoking hot. i am a sucker for sparkles.

not feelin it. i thought the dress was ill fitting and made her look fat instead of pregnant.

i will leave you with what i thought was the biggest trainwreck of the night..
patricia arquette and thomas jayne...
no words necessary.


AppleTree said...

I am totally with you on the men. RDJr--yes please. Joshua Jackson--I've been a fan since you were Pacey.

I did like january Jones though. And did you see Anna Paquin shoes? Love the dress, but the shoes did not go and her hair was a hot mess, but it was raining so she gets a pass on that.

And I agree on Julie Roberts, try harder my chiropractor wears that to work.

benson said...

I talked about Sofia as well--not the dress--but about her--she's fabulous, funny, and gorgeous. You're so right on the color--should have chose something else.
If I would have seen the rain and been a celebrity...I just might have went with a short dress so I wouldn't have to deal with the spots on the dress or the dress dragging in the puddles. Maybe Julia was going with that?
Drew looked like she had a sea urchin on her dress and I thought Kate Hudson looked like she stuffed her dress with toilet paper on the top--and how awkward to have to sit with a dress like that on all night.
Sigourney Weaver got my vote for train wreck...did she not look in a mirror?
And yes, I have a girl crush on Jen Aniston...always have; always will.

Anonymous said...

OK, this is my favorite recap. You're hysterical.
Sally W.

L said...

OMG I have not laughed this hard in agreement in AGES. I just started reading and following the other day and I have to say you are my fave!

Duel Living said...

Yup...yup to it all. Major let all sucked donkey dick!

boops said...

i noticed george clooney's sour puss too. didn't know what was up with that...maybe he had logistics on his mind for the upcoming telethon.

MyLittleHappyPlace said...

Whew! I was afraid I'd have to go to bed w/out my MFAMB fashion recap fix!
I'm so glad you gave props to Jen Aniston and Courtney Cox - I'm sorta sick of people hating on Aniston, she looks gorgeous - always. I wish I had an ounce of her discipline.
I've also seen commentary today that Cox needs to ease off the plastic surgery - I don't see it. I think she is hands-down one of the most naturally gorgeous creatures out there - so maybe she's had a touch of botox here or there, but overall, she kicks ass in the beauty department.
That is all.
Thanks, luvah!

The Blasphemous Fiendess said...

I love Jen too-she always looks great. Penelope can wear anything and still look gorgeous but she usually makes good choices. Robert Downey Junior-LOVE HIM! I'm kinda outta touch tho-didn't recognize everyone you pictured and I don't watch awards shows I just read blogs like yours!!!!

nkp said...

My top four- Halle...dear God!
-Meryl, absolutely right, best she's ever looked.
-Marion, just stunning.
-Maggie, I think that dress, on her, was
beautiful. Glorious color and fit.

As for the men, you said it girl!

court. said...


Jane said...

Thanks for the laugh.

I love your comment about Drew - wierderama. You have to wonder if these people actually look in the mirror sometimes. And I have to agree with you about Nicole as an Australian I just feel a teensy bit embarrassed. She is going down the tranny path isn't she? And who was that one pink boobie one cream boobie lady?

Beks said...

i mean, spitting on my computer laughing, thanks for cheering me up, Drew's comments = im giddy! and i was blushing when halle came on. Great recap!

Emily said...

How does Halle Barry look that good and she has had a baby (I know that its been awhile, but still...DAMN)! Where was her man candy?

Anonymous said...

I was waiting for your review... mine was ok, not as funny.

I HATED julia robberts look. terrible.
Agreed on Marion, Aniston, and most others...

My favorite of the night was Emily Blunt, but I also really liked Meryl, and Toni Collette.

jennifer said...

peen, indeed! ha!

mariah's left breast said...

i fucking love when you breakdown bullshit like this. i was waiting for this analysis all day.

ticklishfromadistance said...

Halle, Meryl, Jen. Period.

Celtic Rose said...

OMG You should be on E!'s panel instead of Joan Rivers. You are hilarious and soooooo spot on. Bravo.

susan said so said...

The inspiration for Maggie's dress, here:

Fave thumbs down: fondant

Fave thumbs up: Toni C. She gives me a hard on.



Haven and Home said...

Great assessment, I agree with it all. Seriously,what was up with Nicole's nips?

The Cottage Cheese said...

Fun post. I'm too am sooo tired of seeing Mariah Carey's gross boobs. Put them away for one day, ho!

High-Heeled Foot in the door said...

Ha ha you have me dying over here! I swear you always say what I'm already thinking, but way too shy to say.

Anonymous said...

great picks! I am always amazed by Halle Berry, she is amazingly classy and sexy at the same time. Jennifer Aniston is in that same camp... she wears very simple choices but they are perfectly cut for her and look fab!

I almost never love what Chloe Sevigny wears, but I totally love that she always takes risks!

What were your thoughts on Ricky Gervaise? I missed the first half of the show, so I missed his speeches... but I saw mixed reviews. I think I would have loved it.

Sharon said...

Oh my Lord you are funny - and right on as always!

Natural Mystic said...

You were spot on...Were designers on strike or something? The dresses were horrible this year like prom season.

Sarah said...

You freaking read my mind every time.

I saw that picture of Joshua Jackson & Diane Kruger - ADORABLE. Not a huge fan of the dress (probs better in person?)

Anonymous said...

fondant icing..priceless!

pounded by Gerard Butler...yes please.

This was a great post.

mb said...

Having a great laugh in Dallas reading your take on the show.... you got it so right.

Nicole Kidman... Ana Rexie. Honey, have a slice of pizza please. Put some meat on.

I love Jennifer Annison, always. The photo of her looked like she had been ridden hard and put up wet. Just saying... and that is not really a bad thing...

Anonymous said...

It is your blog so trash who you wish, Tina Fey looks like Mary Poppins, give Heidi a break she just had a baby and is breast feeding, Seal.

Sarah Klassen said...

LOL...I am rolling in laughter right now! Some pretty looks, some, umm, less pretty looks, but I'm loving Reese and her naturally beautiful glow that lights up an entire room. Rock it!

Rachel said...

Favorite dress - Anna Paquin's. Wow. Gorgeous! And I normally don't love Stella McCartney. But this dress is A-MAZ-ING. If I had the body, I'd wear the shit out of this dress.

One of my least faves, though, was Fergie. I mean, first of all, can she breathe?? Her melons are squished up so high, I wonder. But more than that - it looks like a freakin' bridesmaid dress that my sister wore in a wedding. Color and everyhing. And that was a David's Bridal bridesmaid dress- not Badgely Mischka or anything. It's just been done.

Also, I hate to say this - but I didn't like Anniston's hair. It just looked too messy - too much like "I'm trying to look like I just had sex". Loved the dress, but maybe brush the hair?? Or pull it back a little??

Just my thoughts. Oh, and I totally agree with you on Maggie Gyllenhall.

Tamstyles said...

monique was beautiful to me...

Homes Suite Homes said...

Totally agree- Jen and Hali are my favs, they both look A-maz-ing! fab post :)

Southern Aspirations said...

FABU recap. Funny though- some pics made dresses look OK (or even great) others... YUCK. Drew and Christina are two... one image I saw of Drew and thought she looked great. The one here- yuck. And vice versus for Christina.

Anonymous said...

Off Topic:

Do you have a take on the whole Leno/Connan "situation", if so would love to hear it!

Erin Gates said...

Who didn't yell out "holy shit" when Halle sauntered on stage?? That woman is the definition of fierce!!! You and I agree on almost everything, fo' sho'.

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

could jennifer aniston ever be bothered to run a brush through her hair? Whatever I get the stupid look but I'm over it. I know i know you're so awesome and so great and too good for everything including brushes.

go sookie.

Kara said...

Sookie showed a little too much boobie. But I did love the dress.

Chloe needs to SHUT UP.

Rachel and Monica looked great.

What is wrong with Cameron's face?

Anonymous said...

If I see Mariah Carey's boobs one more time I'm going to be sick. Just putting it out there.

Liz said...

In re: Curvy McRuffles, all I could think when I saw her was, "Put yer titty back up, Adele."

The Townhouselady said...

Jenny, You made me pee my pants you shit!

Absolutely hilarious. You just beat out your design tards recap series.

Anonymous said...

We forgot to discuss renee Zelwegger, which was probably the ugliest shit I have ever seen. Her face looks f-ed up... I saw her on the street the other day with bradley cooper. He is so hot I wanted to hit him for being with her. YUCK.

sarah said...

I sort of fluctuated between "OMG. So gorgeous." and "Meh. I could give two shits." all night.

There were too many trainwrecks and watching Ryan Seacrest trying to direct red carpet traffic made me dizzy.

my favorite and my best said...

sketch...i have tried for the last house to find an image of renee and i can't!!

Dagny @ Beautiful Living said...

Hahaha, you always bring out the LOLs with these reviews!!! It should definitely be a weekly feature. Maybe every Monday?? It really would be the perfect way to start the week with one of your fantabulous reviews!!

The flooring in my bathroom is Moroccan concrete tiles.
I got mine from Swedish company Marrakech Design:

You can also get them at dutch online store designtegels (they ship internationally):


I'm pretty sure it's available in the us as well, don't you think? They're not that expensive eiter.. And look fabulous!

Bailey @ peppermintbliss said...

I was scrolling through this, nodding, scrunching my face in disagreement over a few, when I got to LaLohan.
What the fuck?
All i could think was the Sesame Street game:
"One of these things is not like the other!"

Mrs. Limestone said...

Oh I hated that anna paquin frock. Her boobs were in her purse the whole evening. Looks like something stolen from Studio 54 (and I mean that in the worst possible way).

LindsB said...

i just spit food all over my computer...fuck you headband got me- the rest is fucking hysterical too. Oh and major lesbo crush on Jenifer Aniston, DAMN her legs!

Levon said...

Seriously, is that pic of Nicole and Kieth photo shopped cuz it looks like a big ol ugly head on a dead body in a fucking ugly dress standing by one of the 7 dwarfs...Just me??

Anonymous said...

Did anyone here see renee with their own eyes? Maybe have it DVR'd and could take a screen shot? I think we have a conspiracy theory going on here, because curiosity got the better of me, and I to have spent the last HOUR looking for a photo of her from the GG. There. is. NONE! WTF is up with that? Were they THAT BAD that she went and bought them all up? I need to get to the bottom of this STAT!

(ummm...yeah, last years photo of her was SCARRRYYYY!!! Does she not have a friend? or a mirror?)

Anonymous said...

Yes, I saw one. I am on the case trying to hunt down the pic of RZ.

Richie Designs said...

you. rule.

please SOMEBODY tell Mariah that her days of showing the girls are over. she looks like a tired, booby hag

what happened to the girl [in blue] from Mad Men? seriously frump girl took over her body for the night.

matte said...

joshua jackson + holding an umbrella over his gorgeous german girlfriend (in lacroix)= cayuuuuuute!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow! Learn some vocabulary other than the aforementioned vulgarity.