throw it in your mouth

got this at whole foods too. it's mint and it's delicious. again, no dairy (beware the anon dairy nazi who likes to stop by here and anonymously spew) and no sugar. go here for more info.

just some pretty

whilst perusing houzz today i found some new (to me) images for the ol inspiration files...although i would like to point out some bullshit first...i am a little annoyed at how small these images appear on my blog. sometimes in the saving the images remain large and other times they get all small and almost pointless to look at. does anyone know how to fix this? is it fixable? for example how does desire to inspire get their images so goddamn huge? so anyway here are some of the images i saved to the mfamb vaults..sorry about the bullshit size.

i love the above images use of a dead space like that.

those floors.

those floors too..shiny and white.



**ok for some reason now that the post is up the pics don't look so small..

yes please

i can't decide which ones i like better. the clunky biker ones or the clunky biker granny ones? either way the yellow insides are K I L L I N G me. from madewell.

ebizzle finds

i kinda want all of them but i think i am going to bid on these chairs. which one(s) are you going to bid on? these modern leather lounge chairs: 0 bids, starting at 150 dollars.

these lamps: current bid at 35 dollars

these mid century nightstands: 0 bids, starting at 60 dollars

this mid century cabinet by lane: 0 bids, starting at 180 dollars.

this hollywood regency bench: 0 bids, starting at 40 dollars

these hollywood regency nightstands: 0 bids, starting at 70 dollars


this italian glass end table: 0 bids, starting at 120 dollars

this hollywood regency cane sofa: 10 bids currently the highest bid at 162 dollars.

sharing is caring

these are delicious. really delicious. they are made with coconut milk instead of the evil dairy and agave nectar instead of the REALLY evil sugar. and they are small, precious even. 15 grams of carbs too. got mine at whole foods.




also, today while fiona was at school and then later at ballet i watched this movie. it was good. sad but good. alan arkin should be in every movie.

mfamb vaults

below are some images i have knicked off of your blogs..that i love, and stored into the mfamb vaults. some of them are older and i cannot remember from whence they came like this one... i just love the styling..and the floors. and who doesn't love an orange chair? or a cozy office under the stairs?

this one, i believe, comes from made by girl:

it's like a party bedroom..you can get busy in the bed, on the floor or on the couch. or have your friends over and occupy all 3 spots at once. but on the flip side it does look like a perfect place to sleep too. the bentwood rocker is a nice touch in this lofty modern space.

i forget where i stole this one..but i love it:

that little lamp on that oh so awesome bar seals the deal for me.

and this kitchen from desire to inspire:

the blue aga and the orange cookware are fun. plus it's the quintessential european country kitchen. loves it.

and lastly this one from design sponge:

i just love the shelf styling. and the giant beast. hug him.

D'OH!

fuck you 'anonymous'

yes, i am talking to YOU! you anonymous posting fuckbags. i think it's real fucking lame when someone has a snarky comment to add to a blogger's post and won't tell us who they really are. i think you are a giant pussy. that's what i think. never EVER would i not have the balls to post my real name when i had something to say no matter how snarky it was. what do i care? but the bottom line here is i don't post snarky comments on other people's blogs. if i am going to be an asshole i am going to do it on MY blog where i feel it is my right to say whatever the fuck i want and if you don't like it...jog on! i may have a trucker's mouth but at least i am not some two faced douchenozzle who blogs all sweet and cute during the day and by night trolls the competition blogs to leave bullshit remarks. i mean, come on...if you've got something to say then say it..but at least have the rocks to tell me who in the fuck you are and open yourself up to some healthy debate. i mean, chances are i will shut you down, but at least it will be fair.

*nice comments from anon's are not included in my hate rant.

glorious

what's not to love?

well hello!

retro hollywood glam goodness! from the website of redmond aldridge. (robot voice) lady boner actualized.

the fangtonio project

so, i broke down and watched the antonio project, much in the same way one watches an episode of the biggest loser. you know, sort of with pity and glee? anyway, hgtv gave fang one final makeover to complete...his own house...

it might come as a surprise to you that in his early years fang was in a thrash metal band called, deranged. although i suspect it doesn't. so then it should not surprise any of us that his "design aesthetic" is also thrash metal. literally...the use of metal flake paint in this house was profuse. as were the words "custom" and "re-con". i'm not sure what re-con means, but he said it at least 12 times during the episode. as in, " we did a little re-con and then it was time to start putting it all together". ok fang, whatever the fuck that means.

now before i go any further i should note that while watching this show i found myself kind of enjoying what he was doing, but then i realized it wasn't what he was doing it was him..he's kinda cute..fangs and all (edward cullen's hairier half wolf brother? no?). but the bottom line is despite the fact that his style is certainly not my cup 'o tea, he is NO design star. the rooms were weird at best and not at all finished. everything looked dated already and i'm sorry...goth meets west coast chopper is not cute in a house.

yeah, that's his bedroom. that "thing" on the wall is something someone made for him...one of the "custom" jobs he requested. it's based on a tattoo he wanted but instead made it into a headboard (?) why all the black fang? it's not "tough" as you stated..it's heavy and paired with that red is just too 80's and cold looking. the throw on the end of the bed is quite nice though and helps this room tremendously. a rug would have helped too. another "custom" piece were those nightstands. where you took a perfectly nice white piece of furniture and "metal flaked", "shadowed" and "airbrushed" the shit out of it making it look like something you'd see driving down the road in the barrio.

you did it to this too:

and there was no living room to speak of..just this huge table, 2 "thrones" and a lot of erroneous candles.

the kitchen:

again with the black everywhere...it just looks so dated. and you can't really see it but there is a rippled stainless steel back splash further adding to the cheese factor.



the bathroom looks like a spec bathroom. not like something a so called design star would do. plus it's not finished. i mean at least dan would have gayed it up a little with a window treatment and a plant...SOMETHING!!!

not impressed.

allow me to overwhelm you..

i know it looks baby blue, but it's really bluish gray. promise. i like it. but your opinions are cherished so let them flow.

behold the best kitchen in the entire world:

let's really consider those windows for a moment. look at them. imagine a summer storm or a winter one for that matter...heaven. plus it looks as though there is a door leading onto a kitchen garden or something awesome with 2 chimneys.

and last but not overwhelmingly least is the penis chandy. no words, really.

found via design addict in new york.

anthropolgie gives good knob

the following are the types of things that can distract me from just about anything... i can sit and imagine on what these lovelies would adorn for hours...especially the plaid ones..a big, glossy black chest of drawers a la the badgley mishka country house, perhaps.

those woodland critters are fabulous. they could add a much needed touch of whimsy to an otherwise seriously modern space.

but perhaps my MOST favorite is this african violet knob. i love it intensely:

these graphic black and white animal pulls are great too...
high fives anthro.

do you have a favorite? what would you do with it?

things for you to consider for me...

i was unable to get started on painting my buffet over the weekend, because of the monsoons here in atlanta we were pretty housebound. but i did decide on a whim that this chair (which i don't love but until i can afford or find what i do love, it's a place to park your ass) needed to be painted yellow. and i had some yellow so a'painting i went.

here it is in the room...

what do you think? i think it kinda looks like mustard. and i was going for a more sunny, lemon-y yellow. i think this is due to the color of the original wicker underneath. yes, i should have primed it but i am terribly impatient. so now i am thinking yellow in general is not working in this room and that i should keep the palate a little more soft and neutral with maybe a pretty bluish gray, like a dior gray. also considering black. and white. what are your opinions? i really need them. don't be shy.

also..

my C&B hem lamp arrived and i love it. it's so bright and pretty against the gray walls...

*try to disregard the huge sofa in front of the fireplace..this is temporary. and where is my jamie to do some quickie styling for me???

news

atlanta is being washed away...

and

all the best's ronda carman is set to interview margaret russell this week... she is asking her readers to submit questions for her to ask ms. russell. i of course submitted the question, when in the fiznuck is top design coming back on? why don't you email ronda and submit the same question?

pretty

while searching thru house beautiful's piss poor website i managed to find (by complete accident i might add) this stunningly and simply decorated house. i love it. first of all the front is so clean looking and refreshing. talk about curb appeal. i'll bet it's equally gorgeous in the winter.

gorgeous:

in spite of the crime scene on the back wall, i love this dining room:
and this room:
perhaps my favorite room in this house and the sole reason i kept clicking to see more...this office:

this is taking a small, oddly shaped room and doing something really cool and unique to it without the use of over the top, cheap looking gimmicks. just the simple trompe l'oeil in the same green as the parsons desk. it's SOOOO GOOD!!!!! it's a "why-didn't-i-think-of-that?"imagine working in a place this lovely..sigh...

another clever design trick...i have lived in plenty of places where the bedroom's windows

only allowed 1 place for your bed...this idea here of the curtains in the middle of what appears to be a wall of windows still allows for 2 windows on either side. great great GREAT!!!

monday color combo

happy monday readers. i love gray. you do too, i know cuz you have told me. i have color combo'd it many, many times. here, here and here. oh and here. this combo of RED and gray boders on too 80's to be good. but..BUT it can be pretty. as we have seen in previous posts gray can pretty much rock any color. and with red i think the gray tempers it. and on the flip side of that red can bring some life to the coldness of an all gray room.

images via anirvans photostream flickr, skona hem, leftcoastrightbankblog, pinkhook flickr, nottinghillblog, living etc, methome, inandout photostream flickr, housebeautiful, charlottemoss, ella's photostream flickr, decorpadblog, desiretoinspireblog

lady boner: the steven gambrel series

found these images today and they had me stroking the high hard one. enjoy.

i know yesterday i said too much blue is not the greatest...but the above makes me question that sentiment. it's so pretty it's glowing.

need to rub one out don't you?

the weekend

the weekend for me holds some drooling:

some laughing (really, i have already started and it's quite juicy and hilarious):
some painting:

this...

with this...(i pick it up tomorrow)

and how pretty is this?:

happy weekend lovers!

why so bossy house beautiful?

as a magazine junkie i have been known to wait outside the barnes n noble for the ups guy to deliver the boxes of "crack" early on a tuesday morning. i know some of you (all of you?) feel me here. we need our magazines, they feed us, inspire us, give us fodder for our blogs etc.. so despite the fact that the best magazines have died (domino, cottage living) i think most of us still hold out hope for the existing ones to get their shit together and give us good, new, inspired design. yeah, yeah...i know diff'rent strokes arnold...BUT, from where i sit the magazine world is fucking B O R I N G. par example...the october issue of house beautiful made some big claims; they told us we would never tire of great details...true HB but the example you gave us of the chicago townhouse looked like every other house i've ever seen in your magazine...(snnooore). and was that detail or over styling?

then you preached to me that i'll never get tired of blue...well that's bullshit b/c last year i WAS tired of blue..although i am loving it again..but i am loving the dark mysterious blues, the almost black blues. and blue in doses not everywhere. the blue you give us of the east hampton house is just too much blue!! it's everywhere...the couches, the walls, the rugs, the accessories...it's so blue it makes me want to punch blue in the face! and don't even get me started on the pink and green room. i think my problem with you these days HB is that i want the houses you feature to be roughed up a little, they are all so perfect...who lives like that? no one, that's who. and it never looks attainable. but then you told us we'll never tire of quality. that is true and the house you featured with that silk koi pond wall covering was amazing! paired with that dark blue (and fuck you for not making the images available!) was incredible. and that french limed oak sideboard..i nearly passed out. don't get me wrong, this house was just as luxuriously unattainable as the others but it wasn't so overly fussed out that i felt i couldn't replicate it somehow. and then you told us we would never tire of keeping it simple...true dat. at least for me that's true. the house below is what you gave us for the simple scenario...

simple, yes. but also a little dull and lifeless.

and then you told me that i would never get tired of tuscan. umm...i didn't know i liked tuscan HB, probably b/c i DON'T!

now, moving on to the other popular shelter mag out there,elle decor...usually guilty of the same unattainable style as HB. but somehow this issue was the better of the two..i think b/c of interiors photographer simon upton's place. a gorgeous industrial loft bathed in white but roughed up with exotic treasures gathered on his travels. mixed styles of slip covered furniture and modern chrome and leather dining chairs. lots of textiles draped over everything....eye candy! and it was interesting, not predictable.
another winner was this house:

it belongs to the dudes who run anthropologie and urban outfitters. (way to have your finger on the pulse of the majority of your readers margaret russell-btw when is top design coming back on? i need it so i can make fun of it here)

this place was so unpretentious and chic. well done. don't start the bj's just yet though elle decor...you have been known to bore too just as HB has been known to deliver...so if i were you i would keep that finger on the pulse and pay attention to what these here blogs are saying..we are doing the research for you...for FREE i might add!

don't worry i will still buy you (and sadly, love you b/c of my addiction) b/c living etc, inside out, vogue living australia, and Canadian H&H are expensive and don't come out as quickly here plus they're fucking foreign so the sources are usually pointless. but as punishment every time you deliver us bullshit i will call you out on it.

(sticking my tongue out)

delightful

and it's mine.

from HERE.

double entendres are funny

of course my husband sent this to me

balls

painted hot pink floors=something i secretly would love to do but don't possess big enough balls.

apparently 50 something french former models do possess said balls.

HERE.

asheville and surrounding areas

those are boiled peanuts and they are very southern and very addicting. so is wine.

this is my mother in law on the left and my mom on the right. aka jane and nancy. they are probably drunk as piss by now.

this is my sister in law rachel. she is awesome and we slept in the same room. she is delightfully still when she sleeps. i am pretty sure she thinks i am weird.

this is me. i had to take a picture of myself with my own camera. i think my camera intimidated the others. either that or no one wanted me in the pictures. yes, i know my hair sucks right now.

here's mom again...clearly wasted.

this is a sunflower field at the biltmore estate winery. they flowers are all gone now but the field is huge and i can only imagine how awesome it would be when they are in bloom.

the wine tasting...look at nana! she's out of control!!!! not rachel though...veeeerrry sneaky drunk that one.

this is selena and she owned the B & B, tiffany hill where we stayed. she was the perfect innkeeper. kind, helpful and charming.

this is the inn at tiffany hill. it's only 3 months old and it is very clean and well appointed.

southern porch sitting.

adirondack chair sitting...

the view from the front of the house
the common room in the house...

the herb garden...



selena has these cute birdhouses set up in a walking garden down the hill from the house. this was a really lovely spot, my favorite.
it was such a magical little place. i highly recommend selena's place tiffany hill...it is the quintessential southern B & B. it wasn't stuffy or pretentious. just warm, friendly and quiet. country surroundings without being too far from stuff. we were only maybe 30 minutes from the biltmore and it was such a gorgeous drive it could have been an hour and i wouldn't have cared.





the biltmore house was riDICulous!! huge. seriously. although the tour is like 2 hours or something crazy like that and i got super dizzy in the basement portion of the tour so i had to excuse myself. and really this tour should be done over the course of 2 days not one. there is so much to see here in the house as well as the grounds surrounding. 1 day is a retarded amount of time for such a tour. but it IS beautiful. they won't let you take photos of the inside of the house which is lame but whatevs...i complied. which is kinda rare for me. i guess the dizziness got the better of me.

this was a mega-planter outside the house.

their 364293523058239acre view. these shots were taken from a back balcony. i can only imagine the view in fall. or winter in the snow!



the last day we stopped at the sky top apple orchard to get some apples. this was a great place for kids. lots to see and do. it was on top of a mountain.
the apples weren't that good due to some storms or something but they did have some cider donuts that were STOO-PID!


there were hayrides...


cute goats...

and apple picking...

other points of interest: a bamboo forest, playhouses shaped like apples and pumpkins, cider making and a pond with ducks.

not so good: port-a-potties

overall this was a fun time but 1 full day and 1 half day is not enough time to be considered a vacation. i was super tired and beat. next time it will have to be a week and that's that.

a tale of two turds

well folks this is the final installment of the designtard series. and i would like to start off with an emphatic "DO FUCKING BETTER NEXT TIME JIM SAMPLES HEAD OF HGTV!!!" seriously, are you even a designer?? no...i get it..you are putting shows together based on what's reflective in the marketplace. well, let's show middle america that fake plants are not okay, lets show them that no one ever needs to do one stop shopping to decorate a room, instead lets show them how to reuse and recycle and refinish and buy well made products that last a long time and maybe that an ikea lamp here and there is okay so long as your whole fucking house isn't a page from an ikea catalog or pottery barn. let's show them that you don't need millions of dollars to redecorate (and i'm not talking about that design on a dime crap or FUCK ME joan steffand's droll kuntry klatch bullshit) and finally, let's show them that style CAN be learned by SHOWING THEM GOOD FUCKING STYLE AND TASTE!!!! and if you can't learn it you can fucking COPY IT!!!!!!


okay...on to the show...
yep! dan failed. and quite honestly as you will see below he had the better design. but OBVIOUSLY (and again i'm talking to you HGTV) they had antonio's show planned from early on b/c the show he gets is not really decor based it's remodeling based BECAUSE THE GUY IS A FUCKING SET BUILDER! and yes, again...i GET IT hgtv...dan was a terrible on air personality. although he could have improved and most likely would have as it would seem his main problem was nerves and after a while those go away. but with antonio you have all of that already. he just can't seem to bring that into his sets..i mean rooms. and you can have your hgtv decor minions come in and "fix" his designs if need be. maybe you should hire me as said minion. i will show antonio how to make a room look less like a set and more like an inviting room. just sayin'.

alright...points of interest. the d'tards had to redecorate the house of one family they were given (maybe??) 4 days. maybe 3? fuck i don't know...hgtv next time you might get better design out of your people if you gave them MORE time and a little less money. remember money does NOT buy taste and perhaps if they were given less their real skills would present themselves. again...just S A Y I N'!

dan had a single mother and 15 year old daughter and he wanted to give them a feminine space and they enjoyed purple.

here is the before living room:

here is the after:
not terrible. still it's a little thoughtless in terms of panache and detail. but i don't HATE it. he went a little mirror crazy. but the mirrors he put over the fireplace are pretty cool considering they are really a cabinet with sliding doors hiding a flat screen. in the immortal words of will farrell doing james lipton...well plaaaaayed!

but in terms of femininity and details this is a better choice...don't you think?

or this:

his real turd de force was the 15 year old girl's room. here is the before:

here is the after:
over all the best room in the bunch in either house. the bed is great. it's a great blend of style and function and he put a vintage looking loveseat in there! good job dan. it gets a b- from me because i would have liked to have seen another color in there instead of all that mauve and lilac. maybe a bright, yellow velvet..something...to give it a little punch.

the kitchen before:

the kitchen after:
again...meh...the floors are travertine (gross) but here they worked. the backsplash is all wrong. too yellow. it will look dated in no time. should have gone tiny, classic subway tiles or stuck with the bamboo tiles in a different color.


here is the master bedroom before:

and after:
words cannot describe my loathe for this room. it's a very small room and all the bullshit dark wood is making the room appear smaller. and those blue and brown pillows make me want to kill someone. oh look!! the rug matches too!!! i just threw up on myself. it's just all so matchy matchy, uninspired and CHEAP looking. if you're gonna do built ins in a small space at least do them all white or paint them all the same color as your lavender walls. that way they would disappear making the room seem bigger. and really with the white shutters? if you were going to keep them then that would have been my starting point for the WHITE built ins so that i could achieve a more cohesive look.

and how about some tailored bedding like this:

so much more interesting than the bed-in-a-bag-look.

so over all i think dan had a better design...you know...if i HAD to pick one.

now let's move on..

here's your design star:

yep fangtonio won. maybe if he used some of that chiang mai dragon fabric (or similar looking knock off) i could have looked past everything else that sucked. ok no i couldn't but still, that apron is WORKING ME!!!

his clients were a young family without much of an opinion as to what they wanted...or at least that's what hgtv wanted us to think...but whatever it is it's fucking terrible.


here is the before kitchen:
here is the after:
whatever...yawn...she (the client) asked for dark counter tops and light cabinets saying she liked contrast. while the counters and cabinets DO contrast it's just. so. fucking. boring. if it were me i would have done something like this:

and added elements of this:

moving on...

here is the master bedroom before:

and after:
first of all what in the fug are those hershey bars over the bed suppose to mean? art? more like fart. for me this is more of that zen bullshit he keeps throwing on us. i mean there are elements in here that could work...like the bedding is not bad...but what the french is up with those fluorescent light boxes on the ceiling? really? couldn't change those? think we wouldn't notice?

fuck you antonio. i notice.

and how about some green like this:
or this:

yeah, yeah...i know antonio, i know. those rooms are not your aesthetic...so if you're gonna (gag) do zen(gag)modern then do something like this:
light, airy, neutral, live things...nothing jarring...

or this:

texture, texture, texture...and some major lighting wow factor.

but see even this would have been within the realm of your aesthetic:

only with a bit of glamour, elegance (things a bedroom should have and the wow factor hgtv so desperately loves) AND it looks inviting.

ok, so there was a little one involved here too...

here is his room before: (first i should note that the mom wanted a place to sit..)

here's the after:

yes, fangtonio gave mom a fucking ottoman to sit on while her son plays. good one fang. that looks really fucking comfortable.

and what's with the stupid stars? trees had to die for that shit. i won't bother with finding a better looking child's room b/c i feel it is a waste of my time at this point. but this is your winner people. there is not one cohesive element to this house now, no flow...no relevance.

it sucks a dick.



and last but certainly least was the room the judges flipped over (tandice and psycho eyes were about to go all axe commercial on him). here is the before:

here is the after:
pretty sure he was going for a modern eclectic look. this room is oookaaaay. it's just not good enough. the orange chairs are good. the big hutch over the fireplace that he hacked to make into a storage unit for the tv is a GREAT idea and it's a beautiful piece. the detail up close was really pretty, lots of colors. but i just think it would have stood out more if he toned the room down a notch. there's just too much going on. i would have done a lighter bamboo roman blind and then had the curtains match the wall color a bit more so the eye moved around the room more easily. those green curtains just make my eyes stop every few feet. and the pendant light, while cool, is all wrong for this room. something shiny and sparkly but still modern looking would have worked better.

here is a better version of eclectic:

see, there is lots going on in the room but the background is neutral and soft so that the business of the patterns and colors doesn't feel overwhelming.

alright look...the thing of it is i KNOW this type of shit isn't easy to do for a television show and i am pretty sure both of these guys have some talent and will improve over time, so no hard feelings boys- i would make out with both of you, but come on hgtv!!! let's do better next time..whatever that means. if that means more time for these people then GIVE IT TO THEM! if it means better (and more) resources then PROVIDE IT! if it means putting me on your show THEN DO IT!! i am not trained and could probably only build a box out of popsicle sticks but if i had good resources and time i think i could put together a whole house and make it look outstanding.

allow me to interrupt your designturd post with some hotness

coming soon...

yes, this is what you have to look forward to....

E.T.A. late tonite.

champagne in a can

i had a great time with my girls this weekend. i feel like i gained 4409r02un3pounds and i slept, i think, negative70hours but overall it was a north carolina good time. whatever that means.

i will have more pics and stories for you tomorrow.

for now i am going to soak in a tub and then watch 2 blissfull hours of america's next top model.

it'll be like a bad movie only good

this is the room i will be sleeping in this weekend. the seaside suite. it is not on the seaside however. nope, it's a B & B nestled somewhere near asheville, NC. my mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and myself are all going for a girly weekend, where there will be lots of wine, snoring grannies and probably a lot of farting on my end. my sister in law rachel is the one of us who is pretty much perfect: quiet, never complains, always has a smile...she rocks.
i would love nothing more than to blog while i am there and plan to but you never know what that situation is like until you get there. so..we'll see..
happy weekend, lovers!

*the farting will be due to a major dairy intolerance but when i go on vacation i say no to nothing.

no fuss fall

this time of year i like to settle in and get the cozy going in my home even though the need for indoor warmth is SEVERAL months off here in the south. still, it's on my mind. fall is my favorite time of year. i love it all, the leaves all over the ground (fall in the south is pretty spectacular when it finally does arrive), the cool, crisp air, the humid haze gives way to bright blue skies, the pumpkins all over the grocery stores and inevitably, my porch. i'm a sucker for the white ones and the blue hubbard squashes. as far as "decorating" or "autumn-ing up" the inside of your house the following is a look that i am not in favor of..although understandably it is the most popular way of getting the point across...hay-CHECK. leaf garland-CHECK. fake pumpkins and fairy lights-CHECK. i think that a few of these things are ok so long as they are not used all together in one clump of an area. unless you WANT your house to look like a tuesday morning display. although..skip the fake pumpkins. just skip 'em. get the real thing, it's worth it.

for my fall spruce up i like to add heavier texture, a few jewel tones in the form of pillows and blankets, fall blooming arrangements (usually from the yard) and candles candles candles. i generally don't go for the pumpkincinnamoncake-y variety, but instead opt for the woodsmokemuskyforrestflooramber-y variety.

here are a few images that send a message of cozy without any fuss or fall decorating stereotypes. see the pears?? they are in season in the fall so they are acceptable as long as they are real. i love this kitchen. it speaks to my inner rustic minimalist.

subdued and inviting, perfect for a movie night. would you fill that bowl with popcorn or is that one of those bowls that would give you lead poisoning?

i take lots of baths in the fall and winter and this tub is glorious. as is the table full of expensive girly bath oils and bits. using furniture in the bathroom is fabulous too. the neutral palate, the simple window treatment and rug keep this room from being too fussy.

while white and stripes are generally used in summer decor i think so long as the textures are seasonally appropriate it can work any time of year.

what a cozy spot for breakfast.

how do you decorate for fall? are you a cinnamon potpourri gal? or do you throw a pumpkin on your porch and call it a day? what say you??

images via house beautiful, canadian hh, living etc, domino, houzz

perfect room checklist

stripe rug..YES!
blue, white, dark wood..YES!
no matchy matchy...YES!
chandelier....YES!
relaxed elegance...FAIT ACCOMPLI!

image via decorology via photographer morten holtum

how many designtards does it take to design a turd?

let me start off by saying there is some pretty obvious tomfoolery going on over at hgtv...or should i say danfoolery??? more on that in a minute...

so lonni is gone this week. oh well. sorry lonni, according to the judges you can't multitask or meet a deadline therefore your actually quite pretty room fails! well that's just crazy to me considering it was the FUCKING NO HABLA ENGLAIS FUCKERS THAT FUCKED YOU! or maybe you were sabbotaged by dan and his new boyfriend.. i thought dan was going to pee pee when he learned that john gidding was coming in...
who in the fuck are you anyway john gidding??? MFaMB had to do some research and found this:a gay dude who thinks he's awesome. oh and he's on hgtv's designed to sell...oh THAAAAT john gidding. (???!!)

alright...so let's get to it..

the specifics: the designers were paired with a celebrity each, given 20,000 dollars, 2 carpenters and 30 hours to complete the room.

our pal lonni got tiffani thiessen and her husband brady somebody who wanted a guest room. here's what lonni birthed:

sorry for the smallness. larger images here. and there was no before. over all the room is nice. tiffani and brad wanted "eco friendly, eclectic, contemporary, earthtones". i call it modern rustic, but whatever, what the fuck do i know? anyway...i think she delivered. she found a really pretty, huge piece of reclaimed wood that she wanted mounted on the wall as a headboard but unfortunately the people she bought it from who said they would mount it for her were retarded and couldn't. sorry lonni, you were much nicer about it than i would have been. suffice it to say i would have been cracking some heads against that piece of reclaimed wood. especially since this is what ultimately got you sent home. well MFaMB thinks you were robbed lonni, i think your design was the prettiest. and to you genevieve" psycho eyes" gorder who said that the white bedding was too bland- ummm....no it isn't!! it is that white bedding that helps your eyes focus on that lovely grasscloth wallcovering behind the bed. if there was some kind of bullshit pattern or darker color on the bed it would read too fussy overall. so in YOUR face gorder.

moving on: dantard got jason priestly claiming he had hit the big time..i'll say dan...if it were me i would have had a hard time not throwing around phrases like, "hey brandon, wanna go make out in nat's office in the peach pit?" or "brandon, why don't you go get dylan and we can all go build a bonfire at the beach and get it on?"

anyhoo...the priestly's wanted a guest room turned into a nursery/guest room. the theme was nautical, cape cod, beachy...here's what dan envisaged:yeah, those are 3 recliners in the nursery, you can barely see the 3rd one in the bottom left hand corner. there is also a flatscreen above the changing station and a lot of sculpted boat frame thingy's that are pretty cool if a bit gimmicky. but hgtv loves a designer with a good gimmick up their sleeve. the room is ok, not terrible. dan did do a pretty good painting of clouds and sky. you can see it there in the top right corner of the image. he also took store bought curtains and fancied them up with some shiny embellished fabric to create a stripe, nice touch dan. while not a fan of wall decals or wall murals the whales add a bit of whimsy that is so desperately needed in this nursery. but i still think that 3 recliners is weird and that overall this room doesn't seem very functional. but the judges loved it! hmmmmm...my aforementioned suspicions of danfoolery are becoming more tangible. speaking of judges...mandice was looking very little lord fauntleroy this week:although this week she shall be called: tandice

note to tandice's stylist: you suck.

ok. so last and certainly least was antonio's creation for kathy griffin. she wanted an office for "team griffin". she mentioned liking modern, zen, minimal...oh no here we go again...not zen...can we please give this so called style a rest. what the fuck is zen anyway?? i'll tell you what it is..it's boring. move on. get some books and an antique piece and warm your spaces up you zen loving freaks! so antonio giving his best minimal zen gave us the fucking set from plan 9 from outer space. seriously, lavender is pretty but here it looks like they used the leftover paint from monica and rachel's apartment on the friends set. note to hgtv...antonio works on sets. everything he does looks like a set. there is nothing personal or comforting in his work. and he has fangs. seriously, he does. now, this is how you can make this room better: first of all get rid of the stupid doormat between the two white chairs and put a real fluffy textured rug down the center of that room. this room needs texture in a big, bad way. add a few pendant lights over the work stations and already the room is about 8379273049million times better. and that's just off the top of my head...or...2.2 seconds. not 30 hours.

i think antonio should have gone home this week. and i am quite certain the only reason he didn't was b/c he had a better on air hosting personality than lonni. HOWEVER!!!! dantard has the WORST on air hosting personality, unless you like your hosts to be be slightly dimwitted. but, as i said before i think something fishy is going on...like maybe someone is doling out the BJ's and i think his name starts with D and ends with AN.

monday color combo

happy labor day monday folks. in honor of the stupid can't-wear-white-after-labor-day-rule and my rebellious, sassy side i thought it only fitting i do a white on white color combo today. so take that labor day rule makers!

images via ffffound, boatshedchicblog, cestmoiflickrphotostream, coco&kelley, inspirationbubbleblog, janecumberbatch, livingetc, marieclairemaison, skonahem, lucbflickrphotostream, delikatissenblog

buffet progress

there is no buffet progress. it's just sitting in it's usual spot with all of it's usual contents laying on and around it....collecting dust....

laugh it up crooked lampshade....

i have yet to order the paint. damn farrow and ball has to come from canada.

i did however paint my nails blue with this:

it is a satisfactory substitute.

purple

i want some.

coming soon....

this room

makes a strong case toward the need of a black leather sofa. and a zebra rug if used correctly will NEVER go out of style. ever. you hear me? you know who you are.

found here.

groove to it

wallpaper from the 70's. cool as hell.

a special thanks to sarah of la maison boheme who finds cool things for us all.

all at once delighted and annoyed

a sweet little nook. but does it bother anyone else that the rug is too small??

design sponge

spotted.

at desire to inspire (where else?). i am very into this dining room. how are we feeling about the black ceiling? it's nice isn't it? other points of interest: those candle sconces, the light fixture and the slightly shiny walls. this room is very good.

offerings

from crate and barrel. normally i am not a fan of crate and barrel for furnishings. i do however enjoy their kitchen-y stuff. but i came across this in the catalog:

the lyle side chair is decently priced at 199. it's nice looking, no? around a farm table. i think yes.

also these lamps: the swell lamp is slightly more ridiculously priced at 139. but i do love that peacock one. with a black nubby silk shade. i think yes.

guest posting and i smell fall

i woke up this morning and had to put a sweater on...65 degrees hot diggity! are pumpkins available yet?

also this:
i am guest posting over at urban sardines. lilah asked me to and since she is rock solidly cool i was honored to do so. hopefully i entertain.

also this:
yesterday was fiona's first day of school. sigh. impressively cute isn't she?

she knocks my socks off.

the next design turd, part doo

so last week we had the designtards "designing" (more like ruining) bedrooms for children. this week we have them "designing" a backyard for an unsuspecting family. so this week let's call them lawntards. unfortunately i've seen better landscape navigating at the special olympics.



the specifics: they had to work as a team with a budget of 25,000 dollars. that's quite a hefty budget for a yard. just as 5,000 dollars was quite a hefty budget for a child's room. but in true designtard fashion, they fucked it up.

the homeowners (husband, wife and toddler) asked for a "modern zen oasis". here is what the yard looked like before:

here is the after:

HAHAAAA HA HA HAA!!!! i know what you're thinking. probably the same thing you were thinking last week.. WHERE IN THE HOLY FUCKNESS DID THE 25 GRAND GO?!!!!?!?! THEY ALREADY HAD A FUCKING POOL FOR SHIT'S SAKE!!!!! OH, AND THEY RIPPED UP THE BRICK TO PUT IN CONCRETE?!?!?!? HAVE ANY OF THEM PUT THEIR BARE FEET ON FUCKING CONCRETE IN THE SUMMER TIME?!??!?! IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD!! IN FACT IT FUCKING SUCKS! BUT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT!!! THEY WERE OVER BUDGET!!! FIVE GRAND OVER BUDGET!!! THAT PEDESTRIAN LOOKING BACKYARD COST THOSE FUCK-KNUCKLES 30 GRAND!!

ok. so here's how that went down. torrie stepped up as team leader which ultimately caused her to be eliminated.

while torrie was doling out the fat wad of cash (in the form of 25 grand) to fellow blockhead dan there was a miscommunication over the budget and to make a long story short dan spent 10,000 dollars on a pergola. to which torrie replied in an interview, "i'm just beside myself, seriously. who spends 10,000 dollars on a pergola with a budget of 25 grand?" very true torrie, very true. who DOES spend 10,000 dollars on a pergola when the budget is 25 grand?? i'll tell you who torrie. this guy: to which dan replies in an interview, "we went slightly over budget". well dan "slightly over budget" vickery, MFaMB did a little research and found quite a few nice looking pergolas for a lot fucking less. here's one for 2,895 dollars:

and this behemoth is still half of what you paid for your vinyl one at 4, 967 dollars. and this one is like redwood forest lumber or someshit!!!! now i realize that the homeowner wanted modern and not log cabin but for fucksake dantard, don't sign off on a 10,000 dollar piece of vinyl without consulting all your options. BTW....has anyone on this show even been to a home depot? lots of DIY pergolas there for about 2 grand.

not so fast torrie...you and lonni spent 5 grand on a fucking play area. home depot sells that shit for half that. look this one is EXACTLY like the one you bought:

only this one was 1200 dollars. not 5,000 dollars. you fail.

so you losers are now up to 30,000 grand on a whole lot of nuthin. what about furniture? plants? well...that's when superclive comes to the rescue:

clive pearse, aka the host aka the coolest person on this show if only for the fact that he seems to be acutely aware of how much these guys suck, hands them a wad of cash in the amount of 5,000 dollars for them to finish (aka fuck up more) the project.

the rest is just sad. lonni and antonio fight over a river rock installation which is neither zen nor good. dan takes off his shirt a lot in an obvious attempt to win over the elderly women watching. torrie digs a bunch of holes for the "tropical zen like" plants they bought.

the judges (mandace olsen, vern pip and genevieve "psycho eyes" gorder) all pretty much seconded the general badness of the design. mandace at one point hit the nail on the head by saying, " a lot of things shopped for instead of designed". vern chimed in with "you exploited your limited resources". no duh vern. i think psycho eyes mentioned, not hearing their design voices. why aren't these judges saying things like, "wow..that is really fucking terrible." or "really?? 30 grand for that? where did they find you people?? is this some kind of a joke?"

over all it was a hot mess and a complete waste of all that money!!!!!

so let's talk about what we would have done differently. first of all as we have discussed here there was nothing zen like about this space. and they ripped up the brick (which i would have too) to make way for fucking concrete (which i would NOT have done).

instead let's do something like this:or this:i love grass all the way up to the edge of a pool, it looks so soft and inviting. plus it's a lot easier on the feet.

and how about a little, secluded seating area with a small zen like without being too literal fountain like this?
maybe something like this under a pergola, instead of that bullshit in pictures 4 and 5.
maybe a lush and tranquil lawn like this:let's also make some visual impact with some modern zen like ornamental grasses and succulents like this:and this:and this:
modern zen oasis? done.

images via hgtv and sunset mag